he already knew

I go through phases.

And through each phase, I am taught more about myself. About how I’m wired. About how He knit me together and how much I can handle.

My most recent phase afforded me the joy of snuggling impossibly cute kittens, comforting terrified cats by holding them close to my chest and whispering “You’re safe. You’re safe here and you’re loved,” and watching these darling, marvelous creatures get carried off in the hands of their new forever people. This job was perfect for me and I relished it. As anyone in animal rescue could tell you, though, it came with its fair share of stress. But I was doing it. Miss No-Self-Confidence was doing it. I was a cat adoption manager and killin’ it! Gradually the stress – both emotional and physical – caught up to me and the anxiety was percolating like a coffee maker. The usual stomach pain made itself known and my GI doctor ordered an upper endoscopy. Result: bile reflux gastritis. Without going into too much detail, the bile that belongs at the beginning of my small intestine sneaks up into my lower stomach and it burns. And it hurts badly. I have slow digestion so food sits at the bottom of my stomach for awhile before it passes on through. Stress produces adrenaline, which slows blood flow to the stomach and therefore slows digestion even more. So stress makes it worse. It took a couple of weeks to decide… but I made an excruciating decision to step down from my dream job.

 

I hate that it has to be this way. I hate that I’m not strong enough, not healthy enough to have that phenomenal job. I’m angry and don’t understand it. A friend left a comment on my Facebook page that I’ll likely never forget: “It is so great when you step out and God lets you discover a little more about yourself that He already knew.” YES.

He is my Father and I am His girl and I trust His guidance so it’s okay.

It’s okay.

I now have time to relax again. To pray and read and journal and….well, blog! And binge-watch “Downton Abbey.” So there’s that. And work on figuring out which foods are friendly to my tummy and which ones create belly bombs. Belly bombs suck. I’m learning, though. Most important thing I’ve learned since quitting work: Praise ushers in the very presence of God, and thankfulness interrupts anxiety.

It’s true. And anytime anxiety can be interrupted, sign me UP!

I’m happy to be blogging again. If you’ve known me for a long time you know I’ve had several blogs in the past. (Like I said, phases!) You probably also know that I’m downright obsessed with all things cozy – fireplaces, candles, blankets, steaming cups of coffee (decaf these days), warm snuggly kitties, snow storms, thunder storms, cute corners, comfy jammies…. Did I forget anything? Hence, the name of my new blog. Long may it live!

Today I wanted to blog about my little trip to the library and tell you about my new love for the Pioneer Woman. But I’ll wait til my next entry because I’ve taken enough of your time for now. What I love is that my iPhone has a killer camera on it so I can take “everyday” pictures anytime, anywhere and put them in the blog. For photo sessions and special things I’ll use my beloved Canon DSLR. As long as I’m taking pictures, I’m a pretty happy girl. Thank you for visiting. Please come back often and join me as I get healthy and strong again, and we’ll watch this next phase unfold together.