he already knew

I go through phases.

And through each phase, I am taught more about myself. About how I’m wired. About how He knit me together and how much I can handle.

My most recent phase afforded me the joy of snuggling impossibly cute kittens, comforting terrified cats by holding them close to my chest and whispering “You’re safe. You’re safe here and you’re loved,” and watching these darling, marvelous creatures get carried off in the hands of their new forever people. This job was perfect for me and I relished it. As anyone in animal rescue could tell you, though, it came with its fair share of stress. But I was doing it. Miss No-Self-Confidence was doing it. I was a cat adoption manager and killin’ it! Gradually the stress – both emotional and physical – caught up to me and the anxiety was percolating like a coffee maker. The usual stomach pain made itself known and my GI doctor ordered an upper endoscopy. Result: bile reflux gastritis. Without going into too much detail, the bile that belongs at the beginning of my small intestine sneaks up into my lower stomach and it burns. And it hurts badly. I have slow digestion so food sits at the bottom of my stomach for awhile before it passes on through. Stress produces adrenaline, which slows blood flow to the stomach and therefore slows digestion even more. So stress makes it worse. It took a couple of weeks to decide… but I made an excruciating decision to step down from my dream job.

 


I hate that it has to be this way. I hate that I’m not strong enough, not healthy enough to have that phenomenal job. I’m angry and don’t understand it. A friend left a comment on my Facebook page that I’ll likely never forget: “It is so great when you step out and God lets you discover a little more about yourself that He already knew.” YES.

He is my Father and I am His girl and I trust His guidance so it’s okay.

It’s okay.

I now have time to relax again. To pray and read and journal and….well, blog! And binge-watch “Downton Abbey.” So there’s that. And work on figuring out which foods are friendly to my tummy and which ones create belly bombs. Belly bombs suck. I’m learning, though. Most important thing I’ve learned since quitting work: Praise ushers in the very presence of God, and thankfulness interrupts anxiety.

It’s true. And anytime anxiety can be interrupted, sign me UP!

I’m happy to be blogging again. If you’ve known me for a long time you know I’ve had several blogs in the past. (Like I said, phases!) You probably also know that I’m downright obsessed with all things cozy – fireplaces, candles, blankets, steaming cups of coffee (decaf these days), warm snuggly kitties, snow storms, thunder storms, cute corners, comfy jammies…. Did I forget anything? Hence, the name of my new blog. Long may it live!

Today I wanted to blog about my little trip to the library and tell you about my new love for the Pioneer Woman. But I’ll wait til my next entry because I’ve taken enough of your time for now. What I love is that my iPhone has a killer camera on it so I can take “everyday” pictures anytime, anywhere and put them in the blog. For photo sessions and special things I’ll use my beloved Canon DSLR. As long as I’m taking pictures, I’m a pretty happy girl. Thank you for visiting. Please come back often and join me as I get healthy and strong again, and we’ll watch this next phase unfold together.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “he already knew

  1. I have a response to this blog, but, that means I have to research a lady I heard on Moody radio yesterday because it is morning, I forgot EXACTLY what I was going to say, and I want to get it just right! I like your blog, VERY much, I like how you think, I lLOVE the things you love (I love em too, even Ree..she is my girl crush!)
    When I remember my point I will post it, it might end up on another blog comments section. DO wish me luck, I have such a hard time with all this blogging stuff, and I may need some ideas..for instance, I started one but I can’t figure out how to change the main picture up at the top of the whole mess, I have a bunch of weird colored polka dots, that came with the thing..it is a free wordpress deal..and this is wordpress correct?
    God bless you sweety, stomach/anxiety, all hard to deal with, when my stomach problems start to bubble sometimes I SWEAR it is a heart problem and freak out, it is uncomfortable, I wanna cry, and nothing helps. I take prilosec, and hear nexium is better but insurance won’t cover it and until I am gainfully employed won’t pay out of pocket..anyway..I like the whole thing on how God makes us, he made us this way for some reason, and thanks, and anxiety do go hand in hand, so much that isn’t it Peter that discusses thankfulness in spite of all sorts of things? When life gets crazy, and BOY does it get crazy IF nothing else, I lead a CRAZY life, I sit and say “Thanks Jesus, may I figure out exactly how to glorify YOU in this..no matter what” and sometimes I can’t, but somehow, some way it does because God brings about ALL things to his good right? 🙂

    Like

  2. I discovered how stress can make you sick – never had a problem until uber stressful work period and BOOM – IBS. It’s awful. It’s full of medicine. I pretty much hate it and I pray for God to help me handle the stress better. And the anxiety that comes with it now – it really sucks and it’s definitely changed me personally. But, like you said – I am God’s girl, I’m learning what all that means and I’m trying to lean on Him. 🙂 Seeing blogs like yours helps!

    Like

  3. I’m so sorry you had to give up your dream job, but God moves in mysterious ways and who are we to question. I just know something great is waiting for you just around the next corner.
    Starting my own new phases too, new journal, new name, new identity and making all shiny and new adventures.
    Good luck with your own new adventures and I look forward to reading about your new passion, Pioneer Woman. I just treated myself to one of her cook books. Love her to bits.
    ~~~Deb xoxo

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s